A familiar place

I seem to be stimulating similar to my first cycle.  It is a slow start but not quite as slow as before.  Today I had 6 measurable follicles and 24 smaller ones.  My E2 is low like my first cycle too, 301 Canadian and 82 American, but I start out very low too.   The only difference is that I had some measurable on day 7 (today), with my first cycle I didn’t have any measurable until day 9 so I am a little ahead.  Another huge difference is the fact that I am not a giant ball of stress assuming the worst.  I’m not expecting the best either but this time I am just waiting to see what happens before I start freaking out LOL.  I know from past experience that not every cycle is perfect and I can’t expect it to be.  I have to go back on Sunday.  BTW – 5:00 am is EARLY!!  My lining was 13mm, which is good and thick. 

First Appointment with Wanda!

I had my first blood work & ultrasound appointment today.  I assumed the position and “wanda” told me that I had 16 follicles on my left ovary and 20 on my right.  None were measurable (over 10mm) and they all will not be within range when I trigger, so I’m sure I won’t get 36 eggs at ER.  The ultrasound tech said I had high producing ovaries… now only if they produced better quality eggs LOL, then we would be cooking, but beggars can’t be choosers so I’ll take what I can get!  They also saw a small cyst beside (not on) my ovary and said it wasn’t a concern at all, it was just there along for the ride LOL!  My E2 levels are  unknown to me because they never called me!  The RE already told me what dose of meds to take so I’m not sure if I was supposed to get a call or not?!  I will ask when I go back what it was, and yes, I am charting all of this.  I can’t help it, it’s the type “A” coming out in me LOL!  I have to go back Friday for another appointment.

Ready, Set… GO!

We drove down to Ottawa last night and stayed at a hotel so I didn’t have to get up at 5:30 am.  Taylor had a fun time exploring the room and wasn’t afraid at all.  However, when it was time to go to sleep she had some troubles.  It was 9:30 before she finally went to sleep and she tossed and turned and cried multiple time throughout the night.  I guess she is too used to her own bed LOL.  We will not be staying in the hotel all together again until we have to.  The next time I need to go I will be going it alone until the ER.  So I went in this morning and had my blood drawn, just like the picture above, and no, that is not me.  When we got home the clinic called and gave me the all clear to start, yippee!  So I reduce my suprefact to .2 and start taking 150 of the puregon tonight.  I have to go back for b/w & u/s on Tuesday morning.  I grab Mike’s inspection book to cross off the morning appointment and it is already booked… UGH, isn’t that how it always goes?!  So with all that said I now leave you with this picture:

Almost time!

Time’s closing in on me!  Friday is quickly approaching and I am feeling nervous, anxious and excited.  It’s the uncertainty that’s the killer and all the what if’s.  I’m doing my best not to think about it too much but how can I not?  Taylor is of course a huge help in all regards, especially if it is a negative outcome. 

Good Riddance

I must say I am not sad to see the end of these little pills!  I am terrible at remembering to take them this time around.  I am taking them at 9:00 pm this time and it is a horrible time.  It was so much easier to remember them in the morning.  I just downed the last one a half an hour ago, and when I swallowed I gave a little closed fist hand pump!  So long BCP’s, I hate you, but will gladly take you any day if that’s what it takes.

Feeling Exposed!

I am a guarded person, it’s as simple as that.  I have issues with expressing my feelings, not so much on paper, but certainly in person.  I don’t know if it is a lack of something or a deeper issue, I’m guessing the later LOL!  I just don’t feel comfortable with people seeing me vulnerable, it makes me feel that much more exposed.  This doesn’t mean I don’t care about other people because I really do.  I don’t like seeing others in pain whether it be physically or emotionally and I genuinely wish I could help them in some way… just not verbally… face to face LOL!!  I get awkward, sweaty and fidgety if I have to try to console someone in person.  The same is usually true if I try to give a heartfelt “Thank-you” (so glad there are Thank-you cards that you write things on!)   On paper I can do it with no problem because I’m not worried about them seeing me with my guard down and can easily express myself. 

I do not have any of these issues with my daughter.  It is so funny and great how they can bring out the best in people!  Funny enough, my foot phobia (feet—GAG!!) disappears with her too, however I think the foot phobia will return when she is a teenager. 

Now what has got me feeling all unnerved?  Two silly dreams!  I had 2 dreams that I got a BFP.  I was very excited and happy in my dream and then I woke up.  I hate that feeling when you realized it was just a dream and it wasn’t real but even more than that I hate that I am having these dreams at all!!  I don’t want to dream about getting BFN’s either but for me they are easier to handle.  For me, going into an IVF cycle expecting the worst and hoping for the best is far easier than expecting the best.  These dreams are throwing me for a loop because I think subconsciously I am expecting this to work and don’t want to be super disappointed if it doesn’t.  Consciously, I know that this cycle has less of a chance at working than my first cycle and I tell myself that everyday, but as the starting date draws closer I can’t help feeling too excited for my own good.  That is why I am normally guarded, when you don’t expect much, you are not often disappointed. 

Geese, I ‘m a big ball of happiness tonight aren’t I, LOL?! 

Let the shots begin!

My days as a pin cushion have officially begun… again!  Today at 4:00 pm I injected my first shot of suprefact.  So far so good, my mood is light, no headaches, no nausea, and no hot flashes, yeah.  However, this is only day one, I still have almost 4 more weeks left to go.   

BFPT 111

You know you have IVF on the mind when you are stuck in the Tim Horton’s line up and the license plate of the car in front of you makes you smile and gives you hope.  BFP in the infertility world means Big Fat Positive.  I notice this BFP in the first part of the plate and then I tried to take it one step further.  Imagine my delight when I work it out to exactly the way I want it.  BFPT – Big Fat Positive Test!  111 – 3 lines = 2 lines (as in a positive) and 1 line (as in control line) LOL!!  Who the hell thinks of these crazy things aside from me?  I have been seeing lots of BFPT plates since then (now that I’m looking for them) but none of them worked out like this first one I spotted.  I hope I don’t see any BFNT plates or I will probably start counting all of them and see which ones are in the lead. 

I spoke with my insurance agent and the meds will be covered!  All I have to do is mail in the original receipt with a form and they will mail me a cheque back.  I am going to wait until the stimming part of the cycle is over though because I am positive I will need more Puregon.